Warcraft Lore for Dummies - Part II

PART TWO – MY BOYFRIEND LEFT ME AND I GOT TURNED INTO A FISH

So, Sargeras and his armies are burning their way across the universe and they notice Azeroth blinking at them, because the Elves were splashing around like drunken fools in a big lake of arcane magic called the Well of Eternity. Rather than destroy Azeroth, Sargeras’ armies hung out in the ether while Sargeras started charming the elf queen Azshara and she totally fell for it and thought he might end up marrying her (not!) so she allowed him entrance to Azeroth.

Sucker! Archimonde and Mannoroth tore apart Kalimdor while Azshara build a portal strong enough for Sargeras to enter Azeroth. It was almost done when the night elves (Malfurion & Illidan, Tyrande, etc.), with the help of Cenarius’ hippies and Alexstrasza’s dragons, rebelled against Azshara and the high elves, and attacked Azshara at the Well of Eternity to stop the demons from pouring out of it.

This was a massive battle, at the center of which was the biggest spell ever cast, to open a portal large enough for Sargeras to wiggle his epeen through. Malfurion and Azshara fought each other, and Tyrande was Malf’s pocket healer. Illidan, suffering corruption from using demonic power to fight demons, was pissed at his brother taking Tyrande away, so while this battle for the whole world was taking place he was ignoring it and sneaking water from the well, because he knew when the well was destroyed that all the elves would lose their immortality.

Tyrane was badly wounded but Malfurion beat Azshara and the spell the high elves were casting went haywire and blew up – an explosion that sunk the continent that the well of eternity was sitting on and ripped a hole in the world. In its place is now the big ‘ole twirly on the world map known as The Maelstrom. 80% of the world’s land mass was destroyed but somehow the elves survived.

Even more unlikely, somehow Azshara and the high elves survived too – but the broken spell splashed back on them and sucked them down into the Maelstrom and turned them into the Naga. At the bottom of the Maelstrom, under the ocean, they built the city of Nazjatar and stayed there for 10,000 years while Azshara cried over being separated from her crush, Sargeras.

This whole affair is referred to as the War of the Ancients.